


I Never Would Have Guessed

by StereotypicalNonsense



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-18
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-04-04 23:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4156989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StereotypicalNonsense/pseuds/StereotypicalNonsense
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After so many sweeps, he came to terms with the fact that he was a mutant. Some would say that being different made him special, but that was always bullshit. In reality, he was just defected. It always felt to him like he was just some side effect of nature. The fact that he survived past infancy only meant that God fucked up somewhere along the path. He used to wonder why he even tried to be happy.</p><p>Of course, that was all before Karkat realized that he wasn't actually a mutant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Life is Beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> The publication tags will be edited as the story line progresses, because frankly, I'm not completely sure where I'm going with this yet. I have a fairly clear idea of what I want this to turn out as in the end, but spoilers are a thing. Regardless, this is going to be updated hopefully once a week. I hope that everybody enjoys!

The time had finally come, and frankly, there was no use trying to stop it. Today was the day that Karkat Vantas died. Along with every day preceding it, as well as every day to follow. Karkat died a little inside every second of his life, and lived in eternal despair and aggravation due to this fact. There was a time when he tried to be happy, once long ago, but that was a period in which he no longer saw any use in remembering. The only thing that Karkat was good for anymore was to be angry and bitter all the time, and to do his damndest to piss off the people around him as well. There were fleeting moments when he would try to convince himself that there was something special about him, but let’s face it; he was just a waste of space all around. This point was only emphasized when he was abruptly awoken by a giant hell beast lifting him from his slimy embrace and throwing him onto the frigid tiled ground, along with some hostile clicking noises. If that wasn’t bad enough, the air smelled like it had decayed. There was no denying the fact that something freshly dead was in the room, and Karkat had just landed in it.

No matter how many times he told the thing, the enormous monstrosity didn’t seem to realize that this is a shitty thing to eat for breakfast, and it was indescribably dreadful to awaken him just for a half assed meal. After the brief wave of shivers had passed and Karkat had adjusted to the newly found reality of consciousness, he very slowly blinked his eyes to attention. His pupils dilated in the light, shrinking to the size of a pinprick and feeling like said metaphor. Closing his eyes tightly once more, Karkat dragged his arm up to press his wrist into his welcoming eye socket. Maybe, just maybe, if he pressed down hard enough, he could blind himself. Oh, wouldn’t that be nice! Just the icing on top of the chocolate cupcake! (The secret ingredient is God’s diarrhea). What would the cherry be, ladies and gentleman? And would there be sprinkles? Oh, this cupcake sometimes seemed to be more of a fucking layered cake.

As if on cue, the sprinkles came pouring down on him, drowning him, filling his every crevice until there were no more sprinkles to be sprinkled. For when he brought his wrist up to his face, you see, it was covered in whatever it was that he was sitting in. Now his whole face smelled like something putrid, and he probably would have vomited if there was anything in his stomach to actually be thrown up. Oh god, his cheek was sticky. Begrudgingly, he opened his eyes and looked down at the ground. His Lusus had somehow reached a whole new level of stupid, and had killed a Striped Hoofbeast. These are probably one of the rarest creatures ever, and his scrawny piece of shit guardian had – by some miracle, managed to not only find one, but to mutilate it and bring it home undetected. God, they’d both be ransacked by highbloods in an instant if anybody found out about this! The center had been ripped out of it, and Karkat currently sat nestled up right in between the rib cages, all snug like a fecal embezzling insect.

What passing thought of idiocy could have been going through its head? How did it even get in here? Karkat always made sure to lock the door at night for this exact reason. As depressing as the notion is, this wasn’t the first time that something like this has happened. Lifting his head, Karkat looked in the direction of the door, only to find it broken to pieces and littered all down the staircase outside his room. It looks like somebody found a few spare sprinkles stuck under the linoleum paper in the cupboard! They’re the super tasty ones, too. Probably been down there for twenty sweeps or so! Oh yes, the sprinkles are once more forced down his throat, choking him, smothering him to near death. Karkat’s unwilling form swallowed the sprinkles in regret, wondering to himself, “Why?”

In a swift motion, he jumped up into the air and kicked his Lusus in the face and stuck the landing back on the ground. It growled all deep and guttural, like it was actually trying to intimidate him or something. In all reality, it was probably just a natural instinct to being kicked in the eye, but it still pissed him off. Before the thing was even given the chance to react, Karkat had bounded across the floor and over to his desk, reaching into the top drawer and pulling out his sickle which he kept in case of emergency. As was already anticipated, the giant crustacean was already lunging at him. Karkat climbed onto the top of his free standing wooden clothing receptacle and growled at it, leaping off of it and kicking the beast in the face again. He didn’t like fighting in his block. He hated it, actually. It made a mess of all of his shit, and also was really claustrophobic. Right now he also wasn’t really in the mood to fight, mostly because he had only just woken up. His only goal of the moment was to get this thing out of his respite block, and into literally any other block in the hive.

Rebounding from the kick, Karkat did a front flip and crashed directly into the side of his recuperacoon. Pain surged through his entire right side, but he ignored it for now. His Lusus growled again, clicking furiously and turning back towards him. It reached out with a long arm to grab at Karkat, but he was ready. He took the sickle in his left hand and swung upwards, slicing the claw. It wasn’t with enough force to sever it, but it would still leave a pretty nasty scar. It wasn’t very often that Karkat actually used weaponry on his beloved guardian, but today was just special. It jerked back within a nanosecond, grumbling to itself and glancing up at Karkat, who wore a scowl that seemed to be carved into his skin. To his dismay, apparently it wasn’t finished with him quite yet.

Despite the pain it was undoubtedly feeling, it grabbed Karkat and lifted him into the air, then body slammed him into the ground. Of course, he landed directly on the heap of carnage. Where else would he have landed? Anywhere else would be absolutely preposterous! Karkat yelled out, being jabbed in the side with a splint of bone from the beast. A fire burst through his entire mid section as it pierced the skin, churning his stomach into an uncomfortable knot. It wasn’t a deep wound, but it still hurt like hell. It went about an inch into his side, and he screamed louder than he had in a long while. Cuts and scratches are something that naturally occur on a daily basis, but being stabbed with a splintering dirty bone is it's own unique genre of pain. Typically, an inch would be considered quite a large gash and would require instant medical care, but on Alternia, this sort of wound is all too common. It is practically the equivalent of a Human child getting a paper cut. His Lusus backed up, clearly not meaning to injure him quite so badly, and stopped attacking. Karkat screamed some unintelligible profanities and threw his sickle in its direction. It came into contact with its chest, breaking through the tough shell and probably grazing the sensitive skin beneath it. It whined and howled, but made no move to retaliate; they were done for the day. It retreated then, crawling down the stairs to go do whatever; he didn’t really care.

Wincing, Karkat very slowly eased himself off of the dirty thing puncturing his side. He was now bleeding profusely, and forcing himself not to cry. He gripped at his side and bit down on his lip with pointed teeth, looking around for a towel anywhere. Of course, there wasn’t one. And the slime and blood he was still covered in would probably ensure that this got infected, along with the fact that the weapon used was a piece of dirty bone from a wild animal. Karkat tried to stand, almost falling over, but steadied himself on the edge of his desk. He limped over to the closet, pulling out a shirt and wrapping it tightly around his wound, screaming through clenched teeth as he did so.

He would have slammed the door shut, but that wasn’t exactly possible at the moment. Fractals of tattered wood still remained attached to the hinges, reminding him the sobering truth of what once was: A fucking door. It was a really good thing that he never had any visitors, because he just ran around his room and had a fully fledged battle whilst simultaneously being naked. Lots of people slept naked, who cares? It’s a pain in the ass to wash slime off of clothes, especially cotton shirts. What’s even the point? The only problem with being naked in this exact moment is that due to being thrown into a bleeding carcass, he now had intestine in places intestine feels rather awkward being.

By the look and feel of things, there were no chunks of gore anywhere on him, just a lot of blood and other bodily fluids that smelled like rot and piss. With a deep breath and a tensing of his muscles, Karkat managed to get across his room and around the dead beast, on the way to the sanitation block. By the time he had shut the door behind him, he was kind of out of breath. He leaned against the counter and untied the shirt, glad to see that at least the bleeding had stopped. It still looked pretty nasty, though. Reaching up onto a shelf, he grabbed a small Hygene Box, popping it open and pulling out a small tube of cream. It didn’t actually work for anything, but it was designed to make wrigglers feel better about their micro pansy wounds. Even still, he put a little on his hand and pressed it into the injury, wincing but staying upright. Yeah, this was a pretty bad scrape.

An hour had passed, and by now Karkat had taken a shower, wrapped his wound in some actual gauze, and gotten dressed. The bleeding had stopped and it no longer hurt quite as severely thanks to some hot water, which was good. The only real thing left to attend to was the large striped hoofbeast in his respiteblock - not something he was looking forward too. The tile was probably stained beyond salvation, and if he left it for too long then he’d have to scrub for days to get the smell out. So thanks to a certain somebody, it wasn’t until later on that night that Karkat had a freshly scented block and a lack of prey. It now resigned in a retention pond off behind some communal hive stem in a heavily populated low blood area; even if it was discovered there, nobody would care.

It was the middle of the night now, and his entire day had been wasted. Just as every other moment of his dreary existence, Karkat died inside just a little. He now sat at his desk, his husktop opened and Trollian on display. There really was nothing better for him to do right now other than watch movies, but for some reason he was talking to these lunatics instead. Karkat was currently juggling a handful of Trolls at once, dealing with their monotonous bullshit and things of the like while silently praying to be put out of his misery. It was toilsome work, really. Only a person of true determination and wisdom could deal with these idiots and resurface with a morsel of their sanity left unscathed.

For the seventh time in a row, Karkat typed the word “NO”.


	2. Wonderful Conversations With My Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's looking like there are going to be updates every Monday and Thursday for a while. I am aware that the things I am posting now don't match the summary given quite yet, but keep in mind just how long I am intending to make this thing. The same way that many Homestuck readers completely skip over Act 1-3 due to it's irrelevance and slowness attribute to the overall story. I am hoping for this fiction to be very, very long. However please do not skip over any part of it! The whole point of starting from an irrelevant point in time was so that you can get an overall understanding of the characters and who they are before you get to all the big drama. Because trust me, there will be drama.

CG: NO.  
CA: i get that youre all up to date on the wwhole tough guy wwhatevver and i completely get that  
CA: youre talkin to the guy wwho spent a fuckin lifetime glubbin after a girl by bein her moirail first  
CA: i pretty much just swwam right into rejection and screwwed myself ovver pretty nicely there  
CA: but cmon kar havve a heart  
CG: OH, I APOLOGIZE TO THE IGNORAMUS NATURAE FOR NOT MAKING MYSELF CRYSTAL FUCKING CLEAR.  
CG: IF I SHOWED ANY INDISCRIMINATELY SMALL MORSEL OF INTEREST IN SQUANDERING AWAY EVEN A PETITE FRACTAL MORE OF MY TIME THAN I ALREADY HAVE INVESTED IN THIS PHYSICALLY PAINFUL CONVERSATION, THEN PLEASE, TELL ME NOW!  
CG: AND JUST FOR EXTRA MEASURE, ENCASE I FAILED TO SPECIFY ONCE MORE ON THE MATTER  
CG: I WILL NOT HARASS VRISKA TO BE YOUR MATESPRIT, I WILL NOT ADVISE HER ON HOW TO “DEAL WITH HER FEELINGS” FOR YOU IN A CLEAR OR INDISCREET MANNER, I WILL NOT TALK TO HER ABOUT THE PROS AND CONS OF BEING IN A QUADRANT WITH YOU, AND I WILL NOT ASK HER TO RETHINK THE MATTER.  
CG: NOW CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG HERE  
CG: BUT I’M PRETTY SURE THAT’S CLEAR ENOUGH FOR ANYBODY WITH ONE LOBE OF A MINISCULE DECISION NIBBLET TO UNDERSTAND!  
CA: wwell fuck kar you make it out like im some kind a desperate piece of filth or somethin  
CA: its not like im askin you to go stalk the girl or nothin  
CA: all i wwanted wwas for you to just  
CA: maybe talk to her about it is all  
CA: maybe just put it out there that im serious  
CA: i dont knoww this wwhole thing seems to come naturally for you im not any good at this sort a shit  
CG: I SAID NO.  
CG: NOBODY WOULD EVER WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU REGARDLESS OF MY PROFESSIONAL INPUT, ERIDAN.  
CG: IF YOU WANT MY ADVICE, THEN STOP WASTING ALL YOUR TIME ON GETTING PEOPLE TO LIKE YOU, AND SPEND MORE TIME ACTUALLY BECOMING A PERSON THAT PEOPLE WOULD BE REMOTELY INTERESTED IN SPENDING TIME AROUND.  
CA: yeah but the thing that i dont understand is wwhy all you guys hate me so badly in the first place  
CA: i mean really wwhat did i actually evver actually do wwrong  
CA: i hardly evven talk to you guys anymore and wwhen i do its these insanely brief chats that end in you guys tellin me to go fuck off  
CA: wwhat is evven up with that huh  
CA: wwhy dont you tell me that bit of fuckin information  
CG: IT’S THE FACT THAT YOU IGNORE PEOPLE WHEN THEY ACTUALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU, AND WHEN YOU FINALLY RESPOND IT’S SOME HALF ASSED ATTEMPT TO HOOK UP OR COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR LIFE.  
CG: DUDE, DO YOU GENUINELY NOT REALIZE WHY YOU’RE SO INSUFFERABLE?  
CG: MAYBE IF YOU PULLED YOUR THOUGHT CUSHION EVEN A CENTIMETER FREE OF YOUR PROTEIN SNUFFER THEN YOU’D BE ABLE TO TAKE THE TIME AND REALIZE WHY WE ALL HATE THE FACT THAT YOU EXIST.  
CA: but wwait wwhile your here cant you just tell me  
CA: savve a wwhole lot a time frankly  
CG: I WOULD, BUT I HATE YOU.  
CG: AND ALSO, I DON’T REALLY CARE ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT YOU’RE HAPPY!  
CG: SO I’M GOING TO GO AND TALK TO SOMEBODY THAT’S ACTUALLY WORTH MY ATTENTION.  
CG: AND SO HELP ME, IF YOU MESSAGE ME AGAIN, I’LL BLOCK YOU.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

Karkat sighed in what looked like a semblance of relief, glad to be speaking with one less idiot for the evening. Actually, Eridan is probably the dumbest Troll he knows, which is good. The guy was really cool when they were younger, but for some reason or another he just turned into a lunatic one day. Out of nowhere he adopted some internal sense of being better than everybody and completely dropped all of his friends, talking down at them all the time like they were complete garbage. The fact that he still expects their friendship and respect is pathetic.

Hell, Gamzee and Eridan were the best of friends back when he still had a personality. It isn’t very hard to become Gamzee’s friend, but to really get close to him is something a bit more challenging, and the fact that Eridan actually liked him really said something. Gamzee would rave about the miraculous doings of his beautiful messiahs, the mysteries of day and night and all the colorful whimsy in between. And Eridan would actually agree, to an extent. He genuinely believed in Wizards and magic when he was younger. Nowadays it just seemed like he only pretended to believe in them to prove a point, but that’s beside the point. Him and Gamzee would always talk about magic and miracles and impossibilities; they both loved it. The time finally came, as tragic as it was, when Eridan just stopped giving a shit. Rather than laugh about it he’d only yell at the poor boy about how stupid he was for believing in that horse shit. Karkat never really learned the details, except that warm conversations turned to one sided arguments, and finally they stopped speaking when Eridan accused him of being jealous of his caste. Karkat never actually got the chance to thank Eridan for making Gamzee run to him as his new best friend, but that was probably because Gamzee is an annoying piece of shit and Eridan can kiss his ass.

Come to think of it, they all seem like completely different people now. When they were young, they all got along and were the best of friends. Nobody cared about anything and nobody had any major character flaws at that age to deal with. In childhood, nobody cares about anything at all other than just being friendly and adorable. Karkat and each of his friends drifted apart as they aged, getting further and further from a thing that would be considered friendly. They still talked, but most of them just made him want to bash his face through the wall.

Anyways, that was all in the past and there was never any use in dwelling on it for any extended period of time unless the intention is to annoy somebody or to come to some kind of revelation about yourself. That idea however is very stupid and was not something that Karkat had intentions of doing in that moment. Rather, he scrolled down and opened the next conversation. Man, these had been building up all day. Why do people always want to talk to him? Go away.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

GC: W3LL  
CG: WELL WHAT?  
GC: K4RK4T, TH4T 1S RUD3. 4R3NT YOU GO1NG TO S4Y H3LLO?  
CG: BY THAT LOGIC, I BELIEVE THAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EXPECTED FOR YOU TO SAY HELLO FIRST.  
GC: 1 D1D!  
GC: D1D YOU NOT R34D MY L4ST R3SPONS3?  
CG: TELLING ME TO TELL YOU HELLO DOES NOT COUNT AS ACTUALLY SAYING HELLO TO ME.  
GC: OV3RRUL3D!!!!  
GC: >:]  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU’VE DEMASCULATED ME SO MUCH OVER TIME THAT I DON’T EVEN THINK IT EFFECTS MY FRAGILE EGO ANYMORE.  
CG: IF THERE’S ANYTHING LEFT OF MY ALREADY PUNY SELF ESTEEM, THEN IT WAS RIPPED FROM MY CUSTODY LONG AGO AND I NO LONGER HAVE CONTROL OVER IT.  
CG: HELLO, TEREZI.  
GC: DO YOU H4V3 TO M4K3 3V3RYTH1NG SOUND SO D3PR3SS1NG?  
GC: 1 W4S ONLY MESSING WITH YOU  
GC: 1 JUST W4NT3D TO S33 WH4T YOU W3R3 UP TO  
CG: YEAH, OKAY, HI, SORRY.  
CG: I’M JUST KIND OF IN A PIECE OF SHIT MOOD TODAY.  
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 1N 4 B4D MOOD 3V3RY D4Y >:?  
CG: THAT’S BECAUSE I AM.  
CG: I GUESS TODAY IS JUST SPECIAL!  
GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D?  
CG: WHY DO YOU CARE?  
GC: 1S 1T 4 CR1M3 TO B3 CUR1OUS?  
GC: 1 M3SS4G3D YOU B3C4US3 1 4M BOR3D 4ND W3R3 FR13NDS  
GC: 1M 4LLOW3D TO 4SK 4BOUT YOUR D4Y!  
GC: TH1S 1S WHY YOU P1SS 3V3RYBODY OFF, YOU KNOW  
CG: WELL NORMALLY WHEN PEOPLE MESSAGE ME THEY EITHER WANT SOMETHING OR WANT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMETHING  
CG: AND YEAH, I KNOW WHY I PISS PEOPLE OFF.  
CG: IT’S KIND OF MY SPECIALTY, REMEMBER?  
GC: T3LL M3 4BOUT YOUR D4Y!!!!!!!!  
CG: OKAY!  
CG: FUCK, OKAY!  
CG: DON’T GET YOUR NOOK IN A KNOT, JESUS.  
CG: JUST DON’T TELL ANYBODY.  
GC: >:?  
CG: MY SPHERE TICKLING EXCUSE FOR A LUSUS KILLED A REALLY IMPORTANT ANIMAL FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING, AND I’VE SPENT ALL DAY FINDING A PLACE TO HIDE IT SO THAT ON THE OFF CHANCE OF SOMEONE FINDING IT, THEY WON’T TRACK IT BACK TO HIM.  
CG: HE AND I WOULD BOTH BE IN DEEP DEEP SHIT IF SOMEBODY FOUND IT.  
CG: OH, AND FOR EXTRA MEASURE?  
CG: HE BROKE MY DOOR!  
CG: GOODBYE PRIVACY, MY DEAREST FRIEND.  
CG: I’LL MISS YOU!  
GC: WH4T D1D H3 K1LL?  
CG: A STRIPED HOOFBEAST.  
GC: YOU M34N 4 Z3BR4?  
CG: OH, EXCUSE ME FOR MY LACK OF GROWN UP VOCABULARY WORDS! YES A FUCKING ZEBRA.  
GC: OH MY GOD!  
GC: K4RK4T, 1 D1DNT 3V3N R34L1Z3 TH3R3 W3R3 4NY OF THOS3 L3FT  
GC: 1 THOUGHT TH3Y W3R3 3XT1NCT!!  
GC: >:O  
CG: THANK YOU FOR ONCE MORE POINTING OUT THE OBVIOUS, DETECTIVE!  
CG: THE SERVICE YOU HAVE DONE FOR THIS COMMUNITY WAS REALLY USELESS AND A WASTE OF BREATH, BUT THANKS.  
CG: ANYWAY, IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER ANYMORE BECAUSE I ALREADY GOT RID OF IT.  
CG: NOW MY ONLY ISSUE IS THAT I DON’T HAVE A DOOR.  
GC: WHY 1S TH4T 4N 1SSU3?  
CG: I DON’T KNOW, IT’S JUST WEIRD.  
CG: I DON’T LIKE THE IDEA OF ANYBODY JUST BEING ABLE TO COME INTO MY ROOM.  
CG: IT GIVES YOU THIS WEIRD VULNERABLE FEELING THAT I CAN’T STAND.  
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU G3T TOO WORK3D UP ON PROV1NG TO 3V3RYBODY TH4T YOUR3 STRONG  
GC: TH3R3S NOTH1NG WRONG W1TH B31NG VULN3R4BL3  
CG: WAIT, WHAT?  
CG: I’M NOT TRYING TO PROVE ANYTHING TO ANYBODY, NOR DO I EVEN *HAVE* ANYTHING TO PROVE.  
CG: I’M NOT VULNERABLE, I’M VICIOUS AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT.  
CG: EVERYBODY ALWAYS UNDERMINES ME AND TREATS ME LIKE I’M SOME DELICATE FLOWER ALL THE TIME  
CG: I’M NOT THIS PATHETIC LITTLE HEAP OF PHLEGM THAT YOU ALL SEEM TO THINK I AM.  
GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D TO YOU?  
GC: W3 4LL US3D TO H4NG OUT 4LMOST 3V3RY OTH3R D4Y  
GC: YOU N3V3R FL4RP3D W1TH US B3C4US3 YOUR3 BOR1NG BUT YOU W3R3 ST1LL TH3R3 C4LL1NG US 1D1OTS  
GC: WHY D1D YOU STOP COM1NG?  
GC: 1TS B33N 4LMOST TWO SW33PS S1NC3 YOUV3 3V3N B33N OUTS1D3 YOUR H1V3, L3T 4LON3 S4W 4NY OF YOUR FR13NDS  
CG: WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?  
CG: I STAY INSIDE BECAUSE I HAVE NO REASON TO WANT TO GO OUTSIDE EVER.  
CG: ALL THAT I EVER DID SITTING THERE WAS JUST WATCH YOU ALL ACT LIKE SPASTIC MONKEYS.  
CG: IT WAS BORING, SO I STOPPED.  
GC: WH4T3V3R  
GC: 1LL T4LK TO YOU L4T3R K4RK4T  
GC: BY3  
CG: WOAH WOAH WOAH. I’LL RESTATE: WHAT?  
CG: WHAT DID I DO? I’M BEING HONEST.  
CG: IT’S NOT LIKE I SPECIFICALLY DISSED YOU GUYS OR ANYTHING, I JUST STOPPED SHOWING UP.  
GC: 1 M1SS YOU!!!  
GC: W3 US3D TO T4LK 4LMOST 3V3RY D4Y BUT TH3N YOU JUST STOPP3D GO1NG ONL1N3 4ND SHOW1NG UP PL4C3S  
GC: W3 US3D TO B3 B3ST FR13NDS!

Okay, now wait just a minute. Why is she bringing this up now, of all times? This is kind of completely random. Things like this were always awkward for him to talk about. Mediating people’s personal issues was always something that he was not only good at, but he loved to do. Hell, maybe his true calling was to be a marriage counselor! He didn’t have to try for it, either. Settling disputes between people, of both platonic and of romantic differences, came as naturally to him as possible. Though many Trolls would not believe it at first glance, he made one hell of an Auspistice when opportunity struck. Karkat’s own problems, however, were things that he had a very strict code of conduct that he followed like his life depended on it - because it did. He didn’t talk about them, he didn’t acknowledge them, and he avoided them at any and all costs. Existing in a world of cruelties and false hope can only lead to pain and annoyance, so blocking out the sound leads to better sleep at night.

Relationship troubles with Terezi were something that he had been very delicately dancing around for a while, and it was going to come crashing down eventually, one way or another. There was a lot that they needed to talk about, and also a lot that Karkat never wanted to even think about. He couldn’t handle stress that he didn’t need in his life. Things were already hard enough for him in a sense that not many people understood clearly, and it affected him more than he probably realized. While most days he found himself to be a rather strong character with a certain determination about him and a potential yet to be discovered, other times his self-esteem plummeted to the core of the planet and felt meaningless. He fluctuated drastically, which only fed into the stress he wished to avoid. Terezi really wasn’t making his life any easier.

As he always had before, Karkat snuffed out the problem at the source. He knew this conversation would happen eventually, but not right now. Whenever the time would come that Karkat was forced into submission, he’d talk about himself. However, now was the worst possible time for Terezi to even think about initiating a feelings jam. Not only was he pissed off, but he was tired and risked lashing out for no apparent reason. Fuck, he was getting emotional. People destined for greatness don’t cry over dumb shit, Karkat, get yourself together. This was the exact reason why he kept stress out of his life. Some would say it would lead to a buildup of repressed emotion, but he just saw it as keeping himself free of useless bullshit. He wasn’t really helping his point as a scarlet tinted tear fell down his cheek. He wasn’t even sure why he was crying, honestly. It’s not like he was thinking insanely in depth about everything, and as far as he was concerned he had nothing to even think about. This all had nothing to do with him, and Terezi is an annoying pest: End of Story. Letting out a breath he hadn’t even realized he was holding, Karkat typed up a response ten minutes later.

GC: K4RK4T?  
GC: 4R3 YOU ST1LL TH3R3?  
GC: 1 SW34R TO GOD 1F YOU JUMP3D SH1P  
CG: JUMPED SHIP?  
CG: SPENDING A LITTLE TOO MUCH TIME WITH VRISKA, ARE WE?  
CG: MAYBE YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE HOLED UP IN HER TREE WITH HER IMAGINARY FRIENDS AND PRETEND DRAGONS WHO ACTUALLY “ENJOY” HER COMPANY.  
CG: AT LEAST I’M NOT COMPLETELY FUCKING DELUSIONAL.  
GC: TH4T 1SNT FUNNY!  
GC: WH3R3 D1D YOU GO?  
CG: NOWHERE, TROLLIAN WAS LAGGING.  
GC: 4LR1GHT…  
GC: W3LL 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO R3SPOND OR NOT?  
CG: NO, I WON’T GIVE YOU THAT SATISFACTION.  
CG: I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO THAT AND I THINK YOU ALREADY KNEW MY ANSWER.  
CG: HONESTLY, I DON’T THINK I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO YOU AT ALL.  
CG: “WANTED TO SAY HELLO” MY ASS, YOU WERE TRAPPING ME INTO A CORNER FROM THE BEGINNING OF THIS CONVERSATION. DO YOU THINK I’M STUPID?  
CG: DELUDING ME INTO APOLOGIZING FOR SOMETHING I NEVER DID WON’T MAKE YOUR SHITTY LIFE ANY MORE INTERESTING, I’M AFRAID TO SAY.  
CG: SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR CRIME SCENE, OKAY?  
CG: GOODNIGHT, TEREZI.  
CG: I’M GOING TO SLEEP.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

She didn’t even bother responding before she ended the chat. Who would? Of course she didn’t want to respond, he was being a dick and he knew it. That miniature rampage was probably the harshest thing he could have said and not a word of it was true. Karkat slammed his head down on his desk with a very loud groan, mysterious tears still rolling down his cheeks leaving behind an unnatural burning on his skin. His stomach was in coils, but that could have been that he hadn’t eaten all day.

Karkat was both physically and mentally exhausted. While a part of him was astonished at himself that he said those things, the other part was numbed to treating his friends like shit. She was only trying to reach out, but she knew better than that. Out of all the awful things he would have to face and own up to in time, Terezi was probably the one thing he wanted to delay the most. Sitting down and talking to her wasn’t very easy for him to begin with. You’d think that at 8 ½ Sweeps he’d have a better grip on his testosterone nuggets, but sometimes it felt like he didn’t even have any.

After closing out of the chat with Terezi, he still had three pending conversations with Trolls that he had no intention of dealing with tonight. Karkat signed out of Trollian and shut his laptop, resigning to see what the others wanted the next day. He slid his chair out from his desk and stood, making his way to his recuperacoon. As he had every day before, Karkat undressed, threw his clothing into the laundry basket, and climbed in. (He would have thought up an unamusing and pointless name for the laundry basket, but he was too tired to care).

He drifted into a once more seemingly nonexistent sleep. No dreams, no wild fantasies come to life or the subconscious torture of nightmares. No, Karkat slept as if he was dead, waking up hours later and feeling as if he only just lied down seconds before. Sleeping was something that Karkat had never been particularly fond of. It was always seen to him as something that wasted time that could be used for far more important activities. He dreamt of nothing, as usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm an artist, I draw more than anything else. Writing is something that is very new to me, and I'm pretty new to it. If there are any major grammatical errors, issues with sentence structure, or just choppy sentence fragments, please let me know! I'd like any sort of input, please and thank you.


	3. Friendship Makes Me So Happy

Karkat sat once more in front of his desk, logging back into his chatting client. It was early morning, and most people were probably still sleeping soundly. If there was anything normal about Karkat, he would have still been sleeping himself. Sleep was still something he wished to acquire, but he had already woken up four times in the night and found himself restless. There were still three pending conversations from the day before, none of which seemed to be very important. It was only Vriska, Equius, and Gamzee. A whole murder of bluebloods? Must be his lucky day! [Insert Sarcasm Here]. 

The only way to get through things like this is to brace yourself and charge. It has always been this way, and it will continue to be this way for probably eternity. Karkat did just that, and he took a deep breath. He found it easiest to start with the least moronic of the three, having hoped for something tolerable. He would speak to Vriska, Gamzee, and then Equius. On second thought, he might not even answer Equius; that guy just creeped him out a little. The whole hierarchy thing is bad enough, but the horses? That’s just weird.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  


AG: Please tell me that Eridan didn’t message you.  
CG: ERIDAN DIDN’T MESSAGE ME.  
AG: Oh thank god.  
CG: NO, IT WASN’T LIKE THAT AT ALL.  
CG: WHEN YOU MESSAGE SOMEBODY, YOU ENGAGE IN FRIENDLY OR CASUAL CONVERSATION WITH THAT PERSON, OR AT THE VERY LEAST EXCHANGE IDEAS WILLINGLY.  
CG: OH NO, ERIDAN DIDN’T MESSAGE ME.  
CG: ERIDAN HARASSED ME FOR SEVERAL FUCKING HOURS WHILE I PRIVILEGED MYSELF TO A FEW CONNECTIONS BETWEEN MY FOREHEAD AND THIS LARGE BOOK I HAVE HERE.  
CG: I BROKE MY ~ATH. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?  
CG: THE WHOLE THING JUST SNAPPED IN HALF LIKE IT WAS NOTHING.  
AG: Ugggghhhh.  
AG: H8ve I 8ver mentioned th8t I h8 that guy? 8ecause I h8 him.  
AG: I sp8cifically told him not to m8ssage you!  
AG: Or 8ny8ody, for th8t m8tter!  
AG: I feel l8ke I need to agree to h8ng out with h8m just to c8tch him off guard and sn8p his stupid little neck  
CG: WOAH THERE, DON’T GET ALL EIGHT CRAZY ON ME.  
CG: I’M SEEING A LOT OF NUMERALS WHERE THEY DON’T BELONG, EVEN WITH YOUR STUPID QUIRK.  
CG: ALL THAT HE PRETTY MUCH WANTED WAS FOR ME TO LET YOU KNOW THAT HE’S SERIOUS ABOUT BEING IN A QUADRANT WITH YOU.  
CG: HE THINKS THAT HE REALLY LOVES YOU ENOUGH TO MAKE BOTH RED AND BLACK WORK, EVEN THOUGH I THINK THAT’S BULLSHIT AND HE WOULDN’T KNOW LOVE IF IT FILTERED THROUGH HIS SEMI-AQUATIC MULTIFUNCTION OXYGEN TANKS AND SMOTHERED HIM.  
AG: And 8esides, I’m not interested if he’s just going to 8other me with his weird romance o8session all the time.  
AG: I need priv8cy, I have secrets. I need SP8CE.  
CG: ERIDAN JUST NEEDS TO DO A LOT OF WORK ON HIMSELF BEFORE HE’S GOING TO BE READY TO ASSOCIATE WITH OTHER PEOPLE.  
CG: AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO FINDS IT KIND OF SAD THAT HE HASN’T MATURED AT ALL SINCE HE WAS 6?  
AG: No, I think it’s pretty l8me too.  
AG: I’ve at the v8ry least owned up to the fact that I have pro8lems.  
AG: I think I’ve calmed down quite a 8it, too.  
AG: I mean, looking 8ack on everything, I used to get so 8ngry over the littlest things.  
AG: Growing up is weird.  
CG: YEAH, I’M ON THE SAME PAGE THERE.  
CG: DON’T GET ME WRONG HERE, I’M STILL A TOTAL PIECE OF SHIT.  
CG: I’M NO LESS AWFUL AND USELESS THAN I WAS BACK THEN, MAYBE EVEN MORE SO!  
CG: BUT I’M HORRIBLE IN A MORE MATURE WAY.  
AG: You still compl8n a lot, 8ut not as persistently as you used to.  
AG: And also you don’t exagger8 v8ry often anymore.  
CG: I DON’T?  
CG: I GUESS I NEVER REALIZED THAT.  
CG: I WAS MORE JUST REFERRING TO THE FACT THAT MY LIBRARY OF JOKES AND COMMENTARY ISN’T AS IMMATURE AND BRAINLESS AS IT USED TO BE.  
CG: I AT LEAST LIKE TO TELL MYSELF THAT I’M A BIT MORE REFINED IN NATURE NOW.  
AG: Yeah, sure.  
AG: Let’s go with that.  
AG: Well I have to go, I’ve got a 8usy d8y ahead of me.  
AG: I have to feed Spinneret, AND go hunt down a fish prince.  
AG: I’m considering just feeding her Eridan, what do you think?  
CG: WAIT A MINUTE, SPINNERET? LIKE YOUR SHITTY ANCESTOR?  
AG: Yeah! It’s my lusus’ name.  
CG: YOU MEAN SHE FINALLY TOLD YOU?  
AG: Yes Karkat, that was implied when I told you that it was my lusus’ name.  
AG: Don’t ask stupid questions.  
CG: I GET THE IDEA, NO NEED FOR THE ATTITUDE YOUR MAJESTY!  
CG: IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION ANYWAYS.  
CG: WELL GOOD FOR YOU, THAT’S PRETTY COOL.  
CG: AND JUST SO YOU KNOW, ERIDAN PROBABLY TASTES LIKE SHIT.  
CG: DON’T DO THAT TO THE POOR GIRL, SHE DOESN’T DESERVE IT.  
AG: You’re pro8a8ly right.  
AG: Okay well I really have to go now, so talk to you l8r Karkat.  
CG: HAVE FUN KILLING INNOCENT CIVILIANS, YOU HEARTLESS MONSTER.  
AG: :::;)

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

That wasn’t nearly as grueling as Karkat had previously anticipated, much to his relief. On rare occasions, he actually enjoys talking to people! Mostly, though, Trolls were ignorant and were prime examples of why natural selection is a thing. He didn’t think that he could handle that right now, following his sublime conversation with Vriska. It wasn’t like they had spoken of anything particularly special, but a decent conversation where nobody grows livid at any point is always something to stand back and admire. Vriska was angry fleetingly, yes, but it wasn’t directed at Karkat. A sour conversation with somebody else would ruin the brief glow, so he let it rest.

It was really cool that Vriska’s lusus finally entrusted the sanctity of voice with her. I mean really, he can’t help but to be happy for her. At some point in every young Troll’s life when they are nearing adulthood, their lusus deems them mature enough to be trusted with their name. Throughout life, the Troll considers the lusus as their guardian and caretaker; the responsible one in the midst of their recklessness. When your custodian speaks for the first and last time, it reveals to you only it’s name. This marks a new period is where you are no longer it’s child, but it’s best friend. The two of you usually stick together for the expanse of your entire life, side by side in a connection uncommon between two Trolls. In a way, it sets you free from supervision and really allows you to blossom into your own person before being sent away to the adult world, literally. Terezi’s lusus Pyral spoke to her two sweeps ago, the second it was born. It is very rare to occur at such a young age, but she has always been pretty mature, so it’s not very surprising.

Karkat’s train of thought was interrupted by a sudden and loud grumble. After almost two full days without food, he felt that he could eat the first thing to be laid in front of him. His lusus had, unlike the day before, not gotten breakfast. As he ventured downstairs, Karkat realized that it wasn’t even home. Possibly off hunting somewhere, or just wandering like it tends to do sometimes. It wanders aimlessly some nights, not to return for hours bringing no food home with it. Either way, it wasn’t there now and Karkat had the house to himself for probably the rest of the day. It was upon opening the thermal hull that he discovered just how little food they had. Normally, his guardian brings home an animal once a week, and that normally lasts however long it needs to. With yesterday’s disaster, Karkat wouldn’t have any sort of food for the next several days. He could always go to a store, but they normally only sell household objects or drinks. They do this so that any children without a lusus won’t survive very long, cutting down the population. Hundreds of thousands of Trolls are born every ten sweeps, so it’s pretty necessary.

Currently, he found himself presented with two options. Karkat could have either chosen to try his hand at hunting large and deadly beasts, or he could go to somebody else’s house and mooch food. While hunting sounded like it would be far more convenient, he had very little experience and would probably have gotten himself killed. The closest he had ever come to hunting was sneaking out of the house a few sweeps back and almost getting killed by a cholerbear. Karkat wasn’t actually able to kill it, but it was sort of injured by the end of their little dance. Anyways, things were looking like he would have to go pay a visit to somebody he knew. On a regular day, Karkat would do literally whatever it would take to stay inside and away from civilization. It was bad enough for him to live in lawn ring around other people, but it was at the very least tolerable when inside.

A long, pointlessly drawn out sigh was released. He really was hungry, and Terezi was completely right when she said that he needed to explain himself for his curmudgeonly ways. Karkat had always known this, he was just stubborn. He would procrastinate as long as possible, though. There was absolutely no reason that he had to rush things as early in the morning as it was, so he wouldn’t. There was a bottle of apple juice in the fridge that he had completely forgotten about. It was buried all the way in the back behind some various grub sauce containers that he would probably never use. Pouring a glass for himself, he set the bottle back on it’s shelf and made his way back upstairs with his drink. Karkat still didn’t have a door to his block, and a terrible shiver raced down his back as he stepped through the doorway. He found himself on the balcony outside his room, leaning against the railing and sipping from his cup. Directly across from him, a woman sat on her own balcony, watching him. She looked a bit older than him, probably nearing the end of her time on this planet. She looked into him with some surprise, maybe even curiosity. It wasn’t too often that people saw him out of his hive, or even in it. The sad thing is that he had never even seen most of his neighbors. There was a brief conversation once with the young boy to the left of him, but that was nothing worth remembering. 

Karkat looked back at her, taking in the sight of another Troll for the first time in a while. She wore what looked like poorly made brown shorts, along with a long sleeved black shirt. Her hair was almost completely shaved except for a small patch in the front, and her face was littered with piercings. She looked pretty stupid, but the way she looked at him screamed wisdom. The hue of her sign revealed that she was in fact, a lowblood. Most of the people in his community were, also. He took a deep breath and nodded his head slightly. He wasn’t sure why, but it just seemed like an appropriate response to the situation. Giving him a grim and knowing smile, she nodded back at him. She leaned back in her chair and kicked her feet up on the railing, shutting her eyes to presumably go to sleep. Karkat sat down on the ground and leaned back against the wall, shutting his eyes as well. That apple juice tasted like ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I believe this may give a little bit of insight onto Karkat's overall character. Keep in mind, this is nearly three sweeps later than when Homestuck took place, and it's assumed that Sgrub never existed. Because of this I am trying to incorporate the fact that they are older and more mature. Think of it in the sense that a thirteen year old and an eighteen year old have very different mindsets.


	4. Mentally Preparing Myself for a Shitstorm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I'm completely aware that I have taken a ridiculously long time to get back to this thing. To keep it simplified, some health problems came up on my end, and I haven't been really given the opportunity to write.  
> Nothing lethal, and from this point forward I do hope to be able to get material out, though it may be very sporadic and random. I am so very sorry for any future absences, but here's just a little something that I finally had the time to work on. It's a bit shorter than usual, but I hope it'll suffice for now.

Sitting out on the terrace, he must have fallen asleep. Karkat was woken very abruptly; by rain, of all things. His face contorted and his eyelids pinched shut as the water fell onto his face, but he was wide awake and breathing frantically within seconds. A monsoon came seemingly out of nowhere, showing no mercy as to who it would soak. Even with the awning overhead, Karkat’s clothing was still drenched in sky water. Accepting his demise, he stood and leaned against the railing, bowing his head forward. 

He risked a glance upward to see that the woman sitting across from him was no longer there. Of course, it’s not like he expected her to sit out in this rain like a moron. Hell, he barely expected himself to sit out in this rain like a moron. It was astonishing, actually. Typically, things like this would send him into a grouchy rampage of cursing and thrashing about his room like a maniac. He hated being wet, and he especially hated being seen wet. Right now, however, he felt strangely at ease with himself and everything. It was relaxing, honestly. The feeling of the droplets hitting against the back of his neck and rolling down his shoulder blades was comforting, seemingly the only embrace he would ever have that wouldn’t leave the other disgusted or angry. His eyes were now closed, as he was focused on the sound of the rain. The splashing of the beads against the pavement below, some wrigglers laughing and screaming a bit down the street.

What kind of idiot plays in rain? Most people hide from it or use it to relax. The rain is soothing, and refreshing, and aggravating. His eyes shot open and he squinted in the direction of the sound, not being able to see much beyond the thick Alternian smog. There was a pale yellow glow in the distance of a jacket, and he could easily identify the mustard children running back and forth through the puddles. Ignorant, and stupid. He shoved himself away from the old rail and turned his back to the sky as he walked through the double doors and slammed them behind him. Karkat froze as he stared ahead at the stupid hole in his wall. God dammit. 

He slouched against the doors and groaned, soon after just kicking off of it and sitting back in his computer chair. Life was very interesting, as one can imagine. Though, as much as it may sound really fun and exciting to live on Alternia, there wasn’t much to do unless you had a death wish. It was very lonely, very secluded, and very frightening at times. 

Enough of that mopey depressing shit! Karkat went ahead with the only thing he ever did anymore, as he logged onto his computer. Sigh, what does this asshole want. 

terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TC: PsSsSsSsSsSsTtTtTt.  
TC: ShIt MaN.  
TC: wE gOtTa TaLk.   
TC: WhErE yOu At?  
TC: BeSt FrIeNd.  
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT?  
TC: I dOn’T tHiNk I’m DoWn AbOuT tO mOtHeRfUcKiN rEmEmBeR, yOu ToOk So DaMn LoNg!  
CG: I HATE YOU.  
TC: AwE, dOn’T bE lIkE tHaT bRoThEr.  
TC: YoU’vE gOtTa Be AlL oPeN tO tHe LiTtLe ThInGs.  
CG: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?  
CG: ACTUALLY, DON’T ANSWER THAT.  
CG: I REALLY DON’T FEEL LIKE SLUSHING THROUGH MULTIPLE PARAGRAPHS OF CONFUSING TEXT THAT I’M NOT EVEN GOING TO READ.  
TC: It MeAnS wHaTeVeR yOu WaNt It To MeAn!  
TC: SoMeTiMeS yOu JuSt GoTtA sToP bEiNg So MoThErFuCkInG qUeStIoNiNg AnD jUsT cHiLl OuT, yOu KnOw?  
TC: LiFe’S a BiTcH aSs FuCkIn MyStErY aNd SoMeTiMeS yOu JuSt GoTtA fUcKiN wAnT tO bE eXpErIeNcInG iT.  
TC: bRo, I dOn’T mEaN tO bE kNoWiNg WhAt AlL yOu GoT tO hAvE bEeN gOiNg On AbOuT yOuRsElF.  
CG: WHAT?  
TC: BuT tHaT’s JuSt ThE fUcKiN mIrAcLe Of It AlL.  
CG: I SWEAR, SOMETIMES I’D RATHER LET NEPETA SCALP AND DISSECT ME WITH HER BARE CLAWS THAN TALK TO YOU.  
CG: REALLY, JUST REMOVE MY PELT AND TURN ME INTO A RUSTIC MAT!  
CG: TAKE ME OUTSIDE AND BEAT ME WHEN I GET DIRTY, SEE IF I GIVE A SHIT.  
CG: I COULD HAVE EXCESSIVE DIARRHEA FOR THE REST OF MY MISERABLE EXISTENCE AND SECRETE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF MILES OF TOXIC FECAL SLUDGE, AND I STILL WOULD NOT DELIVER A SINGLE SHIT TO THIS SUBJECT.  
TC: AhAhA, tHaT’s AlL cOoL mAn.  
TC: I jUsT hApPeNeD uPoN tO wAkE uP aNd SeE wHaT tHe FuCk YoU wErE gEtTin DoWn To Do.  
TC: WhAt’S uP?  
CG: NOTHING REALLY I GUESS.  
CG: APPARENTLY I PISSED OFF GOD’S PREMEDITATED MELANCHOLIC AND POINTLESS EXISTENCE, SO HE CONTINUED TO WET HIS TROUSERS ALL OVER ME!  
CG: SO THAT’S PRETTY FUCKING COOL.  
TC: DaAmN, tHaT sUcKs MaN.  
TC: tHoUgh I lIvE dOwN bY tHiS fUcKiN oCeAn So I kNoW eNoUgH aBoUt BeInG aLl WeT aNd ShIt.  
CG: YEAH, I GUESS.  
CG: I’M STILL PISSED OFF THOUGH.  
CG: ALSO I HAVE NO DOOR, SO I NEED TO WORK ON FIXING THAT.  
CG: I’M CONSIDERING STOPPING BY GC’S TO JUST CUT DOWN A WOOD STALK.  
TC: Oh MaN, i DoN’t KnOw AbOuT aLl ThAt.  
TC: ShE’s PrEtTy PrOtEcTiVe OvEr HeR TrEeS yOu KnOw.  
CG: YES, WELL THEY AREN’T EVEN REALLY HERS AND SHE CAN GO AHEAD AND GET THE HELL OVER IT.  
CG: IF I WANT TO DECIMATE A WORTHLESSLY LARGE PLANT, I’M WITHIN MY RIGHTS.  
TC: WhAtEvEr FlOaTs YoUr BoAt My GuY.  
TC: jUsT dOn’T sAy I dIdN’t WaRn YoU!  
CG: YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW THE DRILL.  
CG: YOU DON’T HAVE TO REPRIMAND ME, WE BOTH KNOW THAT I’M SMARTER THAN YOU ARE.  
TC: AhAhA, yEaH mAyBe.  
TC: BuT hEy, HoW cAn YoU rEaLlY eVeN mEaSuRe ShIt LiKe ThAt?  
TC: It’S fUcKiN rIdIcUlOuS.  
TC: iT’s PrEtTy MoThErFuCkIn MiRaCuLoUs HoW tHe MiNd HaPpEnS tO kNoW hOw To WoRk.  
TC: pReTtY gOdDaMn InSaNe If YoU aSk Me.  
CG: BRAIN WAVES.  
CG: SCIENCE.  
CG: READ A FUCKING BOOK?  
CG: ANYWAYS, I’M ACTUALLY SORT OF BUSY OVER HERE SO I GUESS I’LL TALK TO YOU LATER MAN.  
TC: SeE yOu On ThE fLiPsIdE, bEsT fRiEnD.

terminallyCapricious [TC] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Conversations with him always struck Karkat as odd. For whatever reason, Gamzee had a way of making him flip back and forth between angry and mildly calm, within only moments. Of course, that isn’t to say that he wasn’t always like that; it was only to say that Gamzee made it more apparent. Maybe that was why Sollux was always so batshit retarded; maybe he just spoke to Gamzee too much in his younger years. Lord, wouldn’t that explain a lot. 

Karkat slouched back in his chair, the silence echoing in the room. He felt as if he should be exasperated or physically drained, though really he was far from it. More than anything, he was glad that Gamzee didn’t feel the need to drag out a three hour conversation from him. While Equius was still pending, Karkat contemplated answering that guy at all. He was weird, to say the least, and a pretty pointless friend. All that he ever does is build things and destroy them. Whether he tears them apart with his fists or sweats all over the circuitry really just depends on the day of the week. 

Sigh, that door was beginning to really bother him. He was a bit of a control freak, but he more just thought of it as knowing what he wanted and how to get it done. Which, at that moment he wanted a door. He could go to Vriska or Equius for a door, but they would more than definitely make something metal and explosive. Was Terezi seriously his only choice? God, he had to have been the unluckiest son of a bitch on that godforsaken rock. Maybe later he'd ask Vriska to borrow her dice for some luck.

Karkat took a deep breath and hesitated. It had only been a few minutes, for Christ's sake. She was probably still livid, murdering innocent little dragons all because of him. It killed him internally to think about that, but his pride wouldn't allow any of that weak emotion to show through. After all, he had a reputation to hold up as the neighborhood asshole; he wasn't about to let some girl ruin all of that for him!

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

CG: ARE YOU THERE?  
CG: LOOK.  
CG: OR, TASTE.  
CG: OR SMELL? HOWEVER IT IS YOU READ, PLEASE JUST KEEP IN MIND THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER HOW MUCH OF MY INNER ASSHOLE COMES OUT AT ANY GIVEN POINT IN TIME, AND TO A CERTAIN LIMITED EXTENT I APOLOGIZE FOR BEING A DICK.  
CG: ...  
CG: ANYWAYS, I'LL BE THERE IN LIKE TEN MINUTES.  
GC: WH4T?  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]

Hell yeah, way to keep her on her toes, buddy. Upon ending the conversation, Karkat brought his hands together and popped each of his knuckles, reveling in the sound. It was just one of those odd things that he enjoyed for no particular reason, just as everybody has their own odd interests. He reached his arms above his head and slightly to the side, stretching out his muscles before rolling his shoulders a few times to adjust them. He should probably get up and prepare to leave, then? Yes, that sounds like the ideal thing in which he should be doing.

First thing's first, he needed to change out of his wet clothes. There was a small puddle gathered around his desk chair that he hadn't even noticed accumulating, though water wasn't too concerning. As Karkat undressed, he focused his entire mind of being slow and careful, not wanting to chafe or rub his skin raw against the wet material. There was no avoiding some minor irritation on the backs of his thighs and his shoulder blades, but other than that he was pretty okay. Upon being in the nude, Karkat found his way to the closet where he retrieved one of many identical outfits, changing into it.

It only took a moment or two of digging through garbage before he found the shoes that he was looking for; a simple pair of black sneakers that matched his overall colorless wardrobe. They had been significantly worn down with age and use, but he didn't really care enough to buy new ones. Why would he? If they still fit his feet, they're basically good as new! Karkat was almost sure that this was all that was needed to make the trek over to her forest, though he really wasn't looking forward to the four miles. Ever heard of lazy?

Alternians don't usually use cars since they kill wildlife and are too unsafe. Instead, they bike or walk everywhere, which is shitty and stupid. If you're lucky enough you have a lusus that you can ride, but his worthless crustacean can barely handle his own basic motor skills, let alone the responsibility of Karkat's life. Yes, that was kind of the thing's job, but... it's really, really stupid. Karkat always wondered if it was autistic. Even if not specifically, it just had to be retarded somehow; he could feel it.

Alright, back on topic, Karkat managed to sneak downstairs to find that the thing was still gone. Moderately pleased with his discovery, he went ahead and started out the door. And with that, the adventure towards getting his ass kicked by a girl commenced!


End file.
